I like what Woody Allen said, "If only God would give me a sign...like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank."

We laugh because we know just how close it is to the truth. If only God would do this or that for me, I’d go to church every Sunday, say my prayers every night. I’d be the best damn Christian around.

But even then we know how far we stray from keeping our side of the bargain. When times are tough, we’ll promise God the world but when life is light and easy, our frantic promises are often forgotten.

I remember a scene from a very forgettable movie starring Burt Reynolds who, for whatever reason, had decided to take his life and so he swam far out to sea. But then he had second thoughts and turned toward home. Desperate, he pleaded with God to allow him to make it back. He promised to give all his money to the church. He swam on and renewed his promise. Only this time he said he’d give almost all of it away. Soon, he was half way to shore and he prayed that if he should make it, fifty-percent would be guaranteed to charity.

You know how it ends. By the time he reaches terra firma, there wasn’t a single sheckle for anyone. It was a clever scene.

We all want a God that we can bargain with. We all want a God who will give us a good deal.

Surely this is the most common aspect of popular theology...and the most destructive. How many times have we heard complaints of folk who feel like they got a bad bargain from God?

"I led a good life. So why did God do this to me?"

"She was such a fine Christian. Why did God allow that to happen?"

I hear that kind of thinking everywhere and I suspect you do too.

It is indicative of a terrible theology, a destructive, evil understanding of God.

Do we really want a God who can be bought off? Do we really want a God who can be swayed by our prayers or our good deeds or even our charitable contributions?

That is precisely the kind of God we conjure up when we operate on the pious-sounding premise that if only we pray hard enough or have a strong enough faith, we will get our way.

How much damage has been done to hurting people in the name of the One who seeks to heal all hurt!

Many times, I have listened in horror as a well-meaning but stupid person has told someone grasped by grief and fear to simply "have faith" or "pray harder" and God will give them what they want.

And what happens if things don’t go their way?

The implication, of course, is that they didn’t have enough faith or they didn’t pray hard enough. They couldn’t buy God off.

Is this the God revealed by Jesus? Is this the God who reached out in love to all people, faithful and unfaithful, those who pray and those who don’t? Is this the God who loves even those who hate God?

Of course not.

There is an old saying from the Middle East: "If you see a blind man, kick him. For why should you be kinder than God?"

Offensive as it may seem, that is the kind of God we worship when we believe that, somehow, God won’t allow bad things to happen to good people who pray, have faith and keep their side of the bargain.