We are all grieving.

We may not be grieving the death of someone we care about but we are constantly grieving the little deaths we must deal with all the time. The loss of a job or a friend. Someone moves away and there is emptiness in our lives. A marriage falters and we come to grips with the reality that life doesn't turn out exactly as we planned. Grief surrounds us and yet it certainly appears to me that we are ill equipped to handle it. I cannot tell you how many times someone has come into the privacy of my office and begun to cry. There are always apologies..."I don't know why I'm doing this," they will say but I certainly know why. They are grieving and there are few places in our society that allow for such a vital process.

Sometimes I can tell when I am in need of grieving time. The sadness of the world or my own imperfections catch up to me and I know I need to do some processing. I have a number of different techniques I use but my favorite lately has been to put on a video of the musical "Les Miserables". It is an absolutely devastating song of broken dreams sung by a beautiful actress with an even more beautiful voice. It tears me up each time I hear it. I fall apart. I sit and listen and watch and cry the most cleansing of tears. It is cathartic. It is healing. It is vital.

There are some theories floating about the medical and psychoanalytical world that suggest that repressed grief can be a source of illness. I am convinced of it. When I talk to people who are struggling with either physical or emotional illness, I often ask what they are grieving. At first there is reluctance...very natural...to get into it but soon we are exploring the disappointments and failings that make up all of our lives. I want to repeat that...the disappointments and failings that make up all of our lives. No one is immune to these two elements of the human condition although many deny it. Life is imperfect and that imperfection creates grief and grief needs to be dealt with.