I will never be a true believer. Never have. Never will. Try as I might to be the one who never blinks or falters, never questions or doubts, I inevitably, always, fail.

I just can’t swallow it all. Hook, line or sinker.

I’ve always had the feeling that if I were in St. Paul’s Sunday School class, he would have me sitting in the back, maybe even using me as an example of how not to believe.

"You want to grow up and be like Mayfield? With all his questions and doubts, the only thing he could ever be is a...a...Lutheran!"

Still, I can’t help it. There is always a lingering doubt, that unspoken question.

"On the other hand," is one of my favorite phrases.

Certainly there are some folk who can’t imagine how someone with such an intellectual predisposition could possibly be a Christian, let alone a pastor of souls. Quite frankly, there are times when I wonder about that, as well. But I take enormous comfort from the model that Jesus offers in his life and teaching. Just when one of the disciples thinks he has all the answers, Jesus throws him one more question, one more surprising story. Every time one of the followers starts getting smug about her faith, Jesus smiles and gently suggests there may be more to all of this than meets the eye.