It is not only language that can fail to adequately describe...sometimes it is custom as well.

That Gail was married to my brother and thus bound to me as a sister-in-law is not debatable. That the term is woefully inadequate to describe our relationship is also indisputable.

For over a quarter of a century, the four of us have shared our lives. The death of parents, the birth of children, graduations, baptisms and more, so much more, have brought us together again and again.

I cherish the travels we made together, the many times we shared new and exciting experiences. In recent years, it was apres ski in Colorado. Long discussions that embraced our mutual love of theology, history, politics. Conversations shaped by the love and respect the four of us treasured. Laughter, too. Always that...lots of laughter...and good wine.

Once, many years ago, we were in London together. It was a post-Christmas vacation that began for us on St. Stephen's Day with Vespers at Westminster Abbey. Sitting near the choir in that magnificent place, we re-announced the love that shaped and united the four of us...with joyous singing.

The tears that always come with time bound us tightly. We didn't hesitate to share those parts of our lives either. All of us who have been graced with the gift of friendship know the deep joy of those moments when love breaks through troubles.

In the sadness that pervades these days, we have difficulty finding words that speak clearly of our intertwined lives. This much I can say with utter confidence and decided clarity: Gail was my sister-in-law to be sure but she was so much more than that...she was my friend, confidant, fellow-traveler and loving critic. In recent months, when I had to explain to others the reason for my enormous concern for Gail, I found that the legal description of our relationship was much too meager to capture all that she meant to us so I began telling people she was something other than my sister-in-law.

Shelby Gail Mayfield was, is and always will be, not just our sister-in-law but our sister-in-love as well.